Confrontations
by die Autorin
Summary: Set in season 7. Cas was back. He was saved by Dean and Sam. While Dean feels hurt and betrayed, Castiel wants forgiveness. A talk between Cas and Dean, when Cas returns to his 'family', because that is what Dean and Sam are to him: Family..


**Hello and a Happy New Year from Germany :).**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or any ****recognizablecharacters****, even if I would love to****…****but I do own the Supernatural DVD-****box-sets**** and an unbelievable love for the boys...**

**A/N:**** This is my first Supernatural fanfiction ever written.** **The story features ****Castiel's**** come back and is set somewhere in season ****seven****.**** I decided not to write how Cas came back, but just say that he was saved by Sam and Dean... This story is more about what ****happens**** now that Cas is back. I really wanted some „Dean explains his feelings..."**

**Now beta'd! Thanks to you, cartersdaughter, for your wonderful work! You are a really big help for me! **

**I hope you enjoy this story!**

**Confrontations **

It was one of the most hideous motel rooms they had ever been in. The wallpaper was neo green and neon orange. It was a combination of colors that really hurt your eyes when you looked at it. At least, the combination of colors was strictly drawn through. Even the bed sheets had this blind-making color scheme. It was one of the ugliest motel rooms Sam and Dean have ever been in, but in this very moment, it did not matter that this was the ugliest place on earth, which probably had the ability to blind you, to the people, who were in this motel room.

Castiel stood face to face with Dean in the middle of the room. They were alone. Sam had left the room some time ago saying that "it" had been too much today. Dean knew what "it" meant, and Sam was probably running through the town like someone was chasing him trying to get the devil out of his mind.

It was Sam's way of coping with hell and Lucifer. It was Sam's personal coping mechanism. When Sam ran, he felt free, and he was able to shut the devil out of his mind for a little amount of time. His hallucinations had been really bad today. It was one of the worst days in the last month because it was a stressful day, and stressful days were known as days that always made the hallucinations worse and more frequent. This day was also better known as the day Sam and Dean brought Cas back.

So while Sam was running, Dean and Cas stood face to face. It was quiet in the room, deathly quiet. It was an akward silence. The silence was so thick that it covered the room like a Castiel nor Dean knew what they should say.

Cas's face showed lines of regret, remorse and sorrow. His heart was full of self-contempt. What he had done was bad, really bad, and still, Sam and Dean had saved him, had brought him back.

"Thank you, Dean. Thank you for saving me and not giving up on me."

Cas's voice carried gratitude but also fear. Cas feared Dean's response. Cas feared he had already destroyed too much, that it was a little too late to try to make up for his mistakes and wrongdoings.

"Don't thank only me; it was Sam, too. It is Sam who has this indestructible faith. It was Sam, who did not give up. It was Sam, who declined to give up, who kept me holding on. Hell, I do not know how he does it. Even after all that shit that came floating Sam's way, after all he has been through, he can still believe in the good in people. And, of course, we saved you. I told you that you were family to me. I was not lying. But you had a different opinion on the topic," explained Dean.

His voice carried pride and admiration directed at Sam. And yes, Sam deserved it, because everything that Dean had said about Sam was true. Sam never lost faith, and he always tried his best to help people, to save them. After everything that happened, Sam still saw the good things, and Dean admired and loved him for that.

But Dean's voice was also carried hurt directed at Cas. It was the kind of hurt only a person really important to you could cause.

Cas detected the hurt in Dean's voice. Cas was deeply sorry he caused this much pain. He wished he could take it all away, but he could not. At least, he could apologize and try to explain himself.

"Dean. I am sorry. I have never meant to hurt you or Sam this bad. And I did not mean it, when I said you are not family to me. It was the Leviathans talking..."

Dean cut off Cas's apology.

"Maybe this statement came from the Leviathans speaking through you, but your actions before then were all yours, and they spoke a different language. God, Cas! You lied to me about your plans; you knew what Death told me! I bet you knew deep down what you were doing was wrong, and still, you did it. You worked together with Crowley; you declared yourself God, and you were crazy with power. You did hurt me in so many ways."

Cas tried to interrupt him, tried to tell Dean again how sorry he was, but Dean did not let him.

"I trusted you with mine and with Sammy's life. I trusted you so damn much. And you lied to me and hurt me by choice, Cas, by choice. You took Sam's wall down. You nearly killed my brother with your actions..."

Dean had to stop talking for some seconds. Otherwise he would have lost control over his emotions. The memories of Sam unconscious in the panic room floated through his mind. Tears started to well up in his eyes. Tears which he would not allow to run down his face. Tears made out of hurt and the memories of fear. Dean could remember clearly how much he feared for his baby brother's life back then. He could not loose Sammy, not again. He tried to often imagine life without Sam, and it never worked. It never worked. It was something Dean never wanted to imagine, never wanted to experience again. Life without Sam was agony, was pain, and was comparable to hell. Who was he kidding? Life without Sam was hell. Sam was Dean's number on priority, the most important person in Dean's life. He loved his brother with such a devotion and compassion, which was definitely unique in this universe. Dean had raised Sam. Sam was so much more than just Dean's brother. Sam was Dean's child, his best friend, his charge, his soul-mate and his purpose in life. Dean could not face losing Sam again, and his biggest fear back there had been Sam's wall crumbling down, leaving Dean again alone and broken into pieces. And Dean knew Sam's death would take him down, too.

Cas had taken the wall down, making Dean's biggest fear become bitter reality. Dean had feared and avoided a lot of things, which could take the wall down: memories, enemies, demons. He was even afraid of the wall crumbling without warning, but he never guessed it would be Cas, who would destroy Sam's wall and by doing this also Sam's mind. Dean never would have believed before then it would be Cas, who would nearly take the most precious gift ever given to him away from him. But it was Cas, who hurt Dean in the worst way possible – by hurting Sam.

It was Cas, his best friend, who had betrayed him so bad. It was Cas who failed him and Sam. It was Cas, who did the worst thing you could do to Dean – hurt Sam.

And it was Dean, who had not expected it – not even a little bit.

"Cas, I get it. I get why you wanted to get rid of Raphael. I understand your reasons for your trip juiced on soul-power going all 'I am god'. You made a wrong choice by doing what you thought you had to do. And yes, I am royally pissed at you for this. I warned you; you should have known better. You should have known that working with Crowley was wrong; you should have realized how far off the reservation you went. But, it was a wrong choice made by you – you did not do it intentionally – at least I hope not. Hell, Sam and I made a lot of them. We screwed up pretty bad sometimes, and you often had to pay the price for it. I can forgive you for doing this, I can. But what you did intentionally to Sam? I don't know if I ever want you near Sammy again, Cas. Sam could have died or been a drooling mess on the floor. I do not even get how Sam is still standing, let alone walking and talking and thinking coherently. Oh wait, I get it."

Dean and Cas faced off. Cas was full of frustration. He wanted nothing more than a note of forgiveness, a second chance. He was afraid that he had destroyed his friendship forever. He needed Sam and Dean. He knew that now, but would they ever forgive him and take him back? Dean was overflowing with anger which only could be caused by somebody hurting his baby brother. Cas needed to understand, why his wrongdoings were so bad. Cas needed to know that Sam was really special and admirable.

"Sam is strong, stronger than we ever gave him credit for. He pieced himself back together. Put the pieces which you broke him into by destroying his wall back together. Humpty Dumpty fixed himself as good as he could. You left us alone; you hurt Sam and ran off. You left us alone to cope, and you did not fix Sam as you promised you would. You did not keep your promise. Yeah – Sam is himself and is functioning. Big Giant with the golden heart who wants to make the world a better place. He is himself; he is, and I am glad. But do you know he is still seeing Lucifer? There is barely a night he sleeps through. Every night, he wakes up at least once soaked by sweat and shaken from nightmares. And do you know what Sam is doing outside right now? He is running, trying to get rid of the devil. At the beginning, Sam could not differentiate between reality and hallucination. I had to freakin' convince him I was real and not an image made by Lucifer to torture him. And the devil is around Sam nearly 24/7. I do not even know if the hallucinations will ever go away. Saw is coping with them; he knows now what is real, and he can tell the difference, but he should not be suffering. Sam saved the freakin' world by sacrificing himself to the devil; he should not be battling the devil every day. He should not have to endure this; he is supposed to have a good and happy life, and damn, he is supposed to be able to sleep through a whole night without having the creepiest nightmares in the whole universe. I don't know if the wall would have come crumbling down one way or the other – it would have been unfair and horrible in any way – but I do know that you brought the wall down on purpose. You knew how dangerous and life-threatening it was, and still, you destroyed the wall and did not even fix it afterwards but declined to do so. There are a lot of things threatening mine and Sammy's life, but I never thought that you will be one of them."

Dean stood there with crossed arms, his eyes looked sad and gleamed with anger and he clenched his teeth. Dean's voice was full of emotions. There was anger. Anger that he was betrayed this bad. There was relief and delight. Relief and delight that Sam found his way back to him. There was pride. Pride that he did a damn god job raising his brother, making Sam the strong and amazing kindhearted guy he is. There was pain. Pain that he had to undergo so many bad emotions because of Cas and pain that he had to see his brother fall apart while Sam was betrayed by his own mind. There was compassion, compassion for Sam, who had to face the devil every day. And there was guilt. Guilt directed at himself. Guilt that Dean trusted somebody, who hurt his brother, guilt that he failed again at his only important job protecting Sammy, guilt that his statement to Sam 'As long as I am around nothing bad is going to happen to you' was proven wrong again.

Castiel was stunned at Dean's speech.

It wasn't like Dean to carry his heart around on his tongue. Dean hid his emotions and feelings normally. Dean sucked it up and did not speak honestly about his feeling most of the time.

Seeing Dean this devastated broke something inside of Cas. He did this to Dean. He was to blame for all of this. He caused all this bad emotion and all this pain. The two men he called his "family and friends" were hurting this badly because of him. He never meant for this to happen; he never wanted to put more weight on their shoulders; he never wanted to throw more shit in their direction. He wanted to defeat Raphael. He wanted to do the right thing; he did not mean to do something wrong, to fail this way. He had lost control, and he lost his perspective. Cas had learned it from the Winchester in the whole apocalyptic fight, hadn't he? He had learned what was really important. It was all about family, and Sam and Dean were his family.

"Dean, I feel remorse and regret. I am truly sorry for what I have done. If I could, I would turn back time and change everything I have done and make it okay. If I could, I would fix this. You have to believe me. I am sincerely sorry. If there was a way, I would make up for it. And I completely understand your anger and reluctance directed at me; I even hate myself right now."

Castiel's apology was meant completely the way he said it, but he did not know if he still had a chance to make things up.

"Well, you should hate yourself, Cas. And you cannot make up for it. You can't. You hurt Sam and me on purpose. And it is so much worse to get hurt by a friend than by an enemy. And even before you did this to us, you lied right into my face. You did know how Sammy returned from hell. Do not get me wrong. I am so damn grateful you brought him back, I am, but the whole 'lying to Sam and me being soulless shit' really pissed me off. And you told me, when I was trying to get Sam's soul back, I should leave it in hell. You told me to let Sam's soul, the thing that makes Sam Sam, rot in hell. That was just wrong. And I say it again to you. I trusted you. I trusted you with Sammy's and mine life. I trusted you so damn much, and you betrayed me so unbelievably severely. So now, I do not trust you. Man, I am having a hard time trusting anybody, thanks to you."

Dean's words were like a kick in the guts to Cas. They hurt, and they were painful, but they were also true, and Cas deserved it, kind of.

Cas did not know, if he even had a chance to recover his relationship with the Winchester brothers. Dean endured and accepted a lot, but being betrayed so severely by a good friend and hurting Sam was on Dean's "No-Go" List.

"You are right. I do deserve your anger and rage; I do. No apology can make up to it; no apology will be enough to mend what I have broken. But I want to know, if – and I know I probably do not deserve it – if you will give me a second chance."

Cas was hopeful and frightened at the same time. He was hopeful he might get a chance to clean up the mess he had made, and he might get a chance to repair the things he had broken. He was also frightened of being rejected and losing the two people in his life who were more important than anybody else. Why did he just realize the importance of his two closest friends in his life just now, after he messed up so badly?

Dean's mood was slowly lightening up. He softly chuckled. It was good that he let all his anger and frustration towards Cas out, but he did not plan on rejecting Cas for the rest of his life. "Cas, we did not save your ass just for you to run away and never see us again, and Sammy would kick my ass if I let you go. He thinks – all chick-flicky – everybody deserves a second chance." Dean chuckled at his statement. He did not know where Sam's chick-flick-attitude came from, definitely not from him, but his brother was a man full of deep emotions Sam did not fear to show. And Dean admired and respected it really, even if he always joked about Sam being a girl. Showing emotions always made you vulnerable, but it also made you strong. Another thing Dean admired about Sam was Sam's ability to wrap somebody around the little finger. Even if Dean did not want to give Cas a second chance, as long as Sam wanted to give Cas one, Cas would get it, because Sam would have just used his puppy dog eyes, and Dean could not reject Sam's wishes. Actually, Dean had never met anyone, who was immune to those eyes.

"And Cas, you are – as I said before – family to me. You do not shut family out; you try to fix your problems." Dean thought back to the voicemail he'd sent Sam while he was caught in the waiting room and shortly before Lucifer was freed from hell. He used similar words back then, which Bobby had hammered into him. It was a lesson taught by Bobby which Dean would never forget because it was one of the most important lessons he ever learned. He always would choose family.

When they fought against good and bad, angels and devils, destiny and god himself in the apocalyptic fight, Sam and Dean made their own choice; they chose family, and they never regretted it.

"I am not going to lie to you, though. It won't be easy for you because I am pissed and angry as hell. I might even feel the urge to give you a beat down, sometimes. And I definitely will watch you like a hawk when you are around Sam - for the time being. You will have a lot to do to mend this broken bridge. I don't know if I can ever trust you again. It will be hard work to regain my trust, but I will work on it, too. I will do as much as I can, so you have a fair chance to fix this, to make up for this as much as possible. I know our relationship will never be what it was again, and I don't know if we will ever be good again, if ever can forgive you, but I will give you a chance to work things out. The first thing I want from you is an apology to Sam, which should not be too hard on you because the big giant with his golden heart has already forgiven you – I don't know how he does it, but he can't stay mad at somebody for more than a couple days. He still should hear your apology."

Cas's face lit up. He was relieved.

"Yeah, okay. I will do... anything... No matter what, I will do my best to prove to you that I am worthy of this second chance, and I will try everything I can to fix this mess," he responded honestly and happily. and he really meant it. He was ready to do anything to mend this broken bridge and fix what he had destroyed. He had been given a second chance, and he would use it. He would make it up as best as he could to Sam and to Dean.

It was not okay, far from it. They were not okay. But Cas would work on it, and he would give his damn best to make it good again. He was sure he would reach his aim, if he just tried hard enough. Because he knew now Sam and Dean were his family, and it was all about family. And the best thing about a good and real family was that they let you back in, if you had royally screwed up, exactly like Sam and Dean did.

**The End**

**Thank you for reading. I hope that you liked my story****.**** I would be really happy about reviews ;)**


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